Wordsto Say to Someone Who Has Lost Their Soulmate and Think They Cant Find Love Again
How Much Grief Can a Relationship Handle?
March 26, 2014 • Contributed by Amy Winchester, MA, LPC, Identity Issues Topic Expert Correspondent
Although grief is a part of life, it tin be ane of the hardest parts of life, and ane of the about hard to understand. At the cease of the day, grief is a very solitary journey. People who are ensconced in the process of grieving often say they feel like they're alone, like they're going crazy, similar the rest of the world is buzzing around them while they're trapped in a bubble, and like they've lost themselves and wonder when they'll exist "normal" again. It's a process that is very internal and disruptive, and it can be difficult to feel a sense of connection in the world.
To be in an intimate relationship with someone who is in this infinite can feel just every bit lonely and confusing. You want to be there for your partner, merely don't know what he or she needs or wants. You desire the person to feel better. Y'all want the person to be him/herself again. You desire the person to exist able to support you on those days when your life feels hard. Or maybe, very simply, you lot only want that smile or playfulness back that used to be so fun.
When a person is grieving, his or her chapters for giving to a relationship is far less than normal. He or she is consumed with comprehending the loss experienced, and with coping with the multitude of feelings that accompany grief. In many cases, a person experiences depression alongside the grief, which can feel like another barrier to relating with him or her.
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I've seen many couples, of all lengths of relationships, struggle through these issues and wonder how their relationship tin survive such a raw and inevitably difficult time in life. Information technology would seem that the longer a couple has been together, the greater the power of both people to stick through the hard times with each other, perchance considering they accept made a commitment to each other, or because at that place is more trust developed in the relationship. But what I've witnessed is the success of many of these couples, regardless of how long they take been together, as they take moved toward each other, rather than away from each other, during this hard time. If two people believe in their relationship AND feel that they can get their needs for connection met AND there is patience available in the partnership, the outcome is usually positive. How long they've been together is less of an influence if these pieces are nowadays.
- Get some of your needs met outside of your human relationship. The uncomplicated truth is that your partner can't be there as much as he or she could before the loss because the person is busy experiencing so many feelings and reactions to that loss. You may feel upset or angry that this is the case. If you exercise, talk with someone most it. If you lot're judging yourself for feeling this manner, talk with someone nearly that as well. And amongst all of information technology, understand that your partner just tin't be at that place as much right now, and it's OK for y'all to seek friendship and social connection with your friends or social spheres more than regularly. You lot are experiencing something fundamentally dissimilar than your partner, and you cannot expect yourself or your partner to be in a different place.
- Have patience. Your partner will return. The grief volition integrate into his or her life and psyche, and be less of an overwhelming forcefulness that shrouds each day. Grief doesn't ever go away; however, it does subside, and your partner's "normal" personality volition come back, admitting with more of a personal understanding of what life means to them. This is an opportunity for you to connect with the person in a very deep way. The things your partner will come through this experience with are incredibly of import and will offer you not simply a perspective on how grief feels, just also a perspective on your partner's unique manner of finding meaning in life. This could exist an amazing source of connexion for you lot both every bit you gain understanding well-nigh this deep and sacred attribute of your partner'south psyche.
- Understand your own grief. Grief can beget grief. Seeing someone we honey grieve often reminds us of our own grief, and can remind usa in very visceral ways what it was similar to lose someone—or a pet. In the yard scheme of things you do non have to put your experience on hold; in fact, this would be detrimental to your relationship and to yourself. In the moment, you may have to put aside what yous're feeling in order to be fully present for your partner, merely delight come back to it. Requite your own experience the space it needs, whether by talking with someone, journaling, making fine art, taking a walk, or just sitting with it. When your partner is ready, he or she may fifty-fifty ask you most it.
- Allow your partner feel all of his or her feelings. For those of us who take our responsibilities seriously, the feel of watching someone in discomfort or distress can trigger a cascade of our own discomfort that we frequently assuage by trying to say the right affair or past trying to detect a solution to the "problem." If in that location is one thing you recollect from this article, remember that feelings are not bug. Your partner must feel the entirety of his or her feel if he or she is going to become through the grief in ane slice. This means that at that place is nothing "right" to say, there is nothing you lot can do to make the person feel better, and in fact when you try to make the person experience better yous're creating a dissonance betwixt the two of you that volition just brand your relationship suffer. Your partner needs you to simply hear what this is like for him or her, and to accept it. Have your partner's feelings as his or her truth, and accept the fact at that place is nix to exercise virtually it. The act of simply listening without rushing in to alter anything will offer more than you can imagine.
© Copyright 2014 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Amy Winchester, MA, LPC, Identity Issues Topic Expert Contributor
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Whatever views and opinions expressed are non necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article tin exist directed to the author or posted as a annotate beneath.
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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-much-grief-can-a-relationship-handle-0326145
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